Welcome to my blog
''Without honesty there is nothing'. London cabbie, September 2013
'Liars? Toxic'. Britney Spears, philosopher (she might be), I ain't having a go; easy target. Songstress, been through mill)'. 2004
Truth will set you free. Jesus Christ. Sort of. Rewritten 2013.
Lies. Hmmmm. I don't mean the 'they look ok, those leggings', when really they 'make your pins look like pipes in lagging' - trying to be polite lies. I mean a lie/or lies told by someone who may have a 'path' (socio/psycho) or an 'ist' (narciss). Or, none of the above. Most likely a small insecure sad little person clothed in a cloak of grandiosity and gaudy glitter.
A golden apple with ashes inside.
Their level of self hatred is SO great, and their terror of the other SO huge that all people are commodities to be used; rotating handbags matched to whatever designer dish they're cookin' that night.
You may have spent seasons in the sun trying to trust these charming souls.
They have lost theirs. Their soul that is. It may have been rubbed out by other 'economical with the truth tellers' way way back in childhood. They may just be born that way.
No excuse. Best not to waste valauble shopping time worrying about them. But.... a little creeping (brothel perhaps; nothing shocks me much these days), compassion cannot be helped.
It must be a hell of a place being so scared all the time. It's worse though, being caught up in their deceiptful drama. You're cast in their narcisisstic narrative, and you didn't even audition.
There are people like this on the tube, you know. Most of them stay on the circle line forever. A few might get off for the district at Edgeware road - but most find it too tedious to change and just keep on going. Round. In. Circles. Lying. Hurting. Cheating. Save us all time, pain and trouble. Just get the Piccadilly, get out at Cockitupforyourselfbutleaveusoutofit -fosters, and stay there.
NB: Redemption junction though, (just past Watford), is said to offer a glimmer of hope even if the last train has departed. Apparently it's open 24/7 but it's a hell of hike, and well past zone 6.
.....opens this weekend..... Zaha Hadid - ARCHITECT: Created the new extension to the Serpentine Sackler Gallery. SHE'S BEEN PROFILED ALL WEEK - and I just happened to drop in on Richard Rogers' offering at the
RA a few days ago. (See below) SHE HAS A STRING OF 'FIRST WOMAN ARTICHECT TO WIN..' TITLES; AND DESPITE MY LIMITED LAYPERSON'S UNDERSTANDING OF HER PROFESSION, THE FACT THAT SHE IS CREATING, BUILDING, INNOVATING IN WAVES...LITERALLY, IS HUGELY INSPIRING. HOPEFUL
EVEN. AND NOT A TOWER IN SIGHT. I know, I'm shouting. It's worth it though, don't you think?
...and although he doesn't JUST design tall buildings, there are alot of them about. That's at the Richard Rogers' exhibition at London's Royal Academy. There was some great lego layouts and notes stuck on the walls about what we want our 'spaces' to be.
I'm not up to speed enough in this field (well there weren't many green spaces designed into the London models; hardly his fault, he'd tried), to critique it with any kind of authority, so anecdote will have to do. Killer of argument, I know, but there you go.
A REALLY talented friend of mine sweated blood to become an architect. She got into an ivy league university but the funding just failed. She said (a long time ago now, so a bit fuzzy), how tough it was for women to get into the building biz. I have got a (very good and successful) female electrician friend, but I don't think that's what she meant.
Her designs had a human ness and 'drawing in ness', that these didn't. I am/was biased; but then we all are. The Lloyds building and the Cardiff Opera House are both 'Rogers', and he's big on not taking all the credit and therefore criticism too. Both were controversial.
Anyway, went to Top Shop after. The official reason for both these trips is research for an idea, The stretchy minis I got in Top shop just happened to throw themselves at me. You know how it is. Lordy, it's late. I love the lego shoe, though.
....talk about your/ my partner/lover/spouse/significant other...etc etc. (old ones are the...)
Mid life, means an internal heating system that needs no help from a gas guzzling outsider. At a certain age, you get all the heat you need, just no way of putting it on a timer.
I don't know if I'm 'there' yet. Sparing you details. BTW, If you HAVE a true love, (spouse/partner etc etc) send them a letter. On second thoughts, there might be a strike, so 'textya' will have to do.
In other news:
'It's everso straightforward'. That's what the banks are telling us, if you want to switch current accounts. From tomorrow (Monday 16), just blink/click/twitch and the cash'll be sorted in 7 days. They got the 7 day theme from god, but lopped off the 24 hour rest stop. In the 'olden days', it was quicker to divorce than switch banks. Pr'aps now it'll be the other way around?
Canadian HQ said it would be easy getting my b'berry's 'failing to send' email juices going. Not. Straightforward. At. All. Ongoing. We're discussing alimony now. I've already let them have the aged CD's.
COMEDIAN FALLS IN LOVE WITH CORAL...
Funny man ,Russell Brandt's been scuba diving. He's also been brilliant at an awards do. Refusing to collude with the 'we're really important people because we've been invited to a bash that's got goodie bags n' top mod-ells-ells-ells'; he upset the hosts with a 'Nazi Jibe'. Suppose he could have just not turned up. Too easy.
...THE BEST LOVE DESERVES THE BEST LINES....
He's also forsaking all red-lipped, long legged lovelies, for a new-ish significant other. How's this for a description of the real thing?
'Being in love is like discovering a concealed ballroom in a house you've long inhabited'. ** (That's conCEALED, NOT conGEALED. Plus it'll have an underfloor digital heating system that can also manage your money).
..'I'm worried about my dog. She's just not growing. Can you give me some advice?' 'Love', says the vet, 'that's no retriever, that's a hamster'. Easily done, I say. Those little golden powder puffs of fluff can impersonate anything. Last night of the proms? Here's our tiny rodent on the trombone.
THE PROMS POWER OF (MUSICAL) LOVE....
Just had a good old sob in front of 'Danny Boy'. Before that, we had Dame Edna and Nigel Kennedy. Nothing to do with their 'form'; the singing reminds me of mum. She loved it. We regularly used to wreck musicals, singing together. Felt great afterwards though. She was a good singer; and I used to big her up before she hit the town hall when her choir was doing a turn.
Strange how you can be having a sit down; then all of a sudden the grief trigger kicks in. I've had the moment now, and have worn myself out. My sister's been biking miles today, to raise cash for Parkinson's research. Mum got ill at around 60, seems so long ago.
AND DID THEIR LEGS IN ANCIENT TIME ......( A nod to proms' 'jerusalem)
My two nephews, brother in law, and sister ALL got kitted out and got stuck in to raise money. http://neparkinsonsride.com/ So impressed.
I'm singing for her now. Love makes hearts, legs, and lungs ache - whether it's biking or breaking the sound barrier.......and I, plus my sis and family, are glad that it does.
...a box set. Not sure which one yet. So many pros. I always looking forward to seeing it, I can switch it on, or off; and it doesn't talk during the drama. Appropriately, 'The Good Wife', series 4 - is JUST out, and I've got it. I needed a rest from the Sopranos; brilliant but getting too brutal. It was a great anger release, but Tony's just too dysfunctional. Perhaps it takes one to know one.
Box set buddies I recommend. Prime Suspect; if you feel it's you against everything else, Helen Mirren does the trick. And she's flawed. Check out the phones at the start of the series. None of this IMAP business.
Wire in the Blood. OK, but no redemption. Low view of human nature. We're all shite, and too many women get it in the neck; literally. This wasn't the best. Waking the Dead; Trevor Eve walking around shouting in an Armani raincoat. Nice psychological role for Sue Johnston. She does 'separates' well.
Godfather (all of them), Scarface, or anything with Al Pacino.
Little Britain's good for laughs, but Sci Fi etc - nah. Rather watch a Meerkat movie.
Not sure where we're honeymooning yet, but there'll be no problem packing. My box set partner will sit neatly in the corner of the wheely suitcase. Perfect, to be honest.
.....and didn't get all worked up. It was on the same road that I did Theology exams as a mature student (after the break up). The divorce, a long time ago; well documented. The exams? They feel like yesterday. Am coming out in hives just thinking about black pens, a huge hall and no loos. Everyone else looked about 12 years' old.
Then there was the pub near the flat where I met 'a boy'; and went all lyrical. The BBC down the road where I worked and got stuck into the political. Low point? The pawn shop where I took what I thought was a valuable ring; having been fired by former Sun newspaper boss, Kelvin Mckenzie (you're no-one until that happens) ..... I was hoping for a financial miracle. It was worth a tenner.
The girl in the pic with the exposed brain (I hope you're not eating), has a load of them. Memories that is. All stuffed into her dimpled and dented front/back/side cortex, or is that vortex? A library of books that only she can get at. Some of them weren't returned, so a huge fine's going to kick in someday.
PICTURES OF THE PAST
I was on my way to a job today in the same location, and although bits of the past floated in and out of my head, I wasn't living in it. The past, that is.
After banging on in earlier blogs and raging at people who tell you/me to' move on' following some kind of upset/crisis......They do this because your/my raw emotion prompts a surge of unresolved feelings they may have not faced themselves.
Perhaps you're still grieving,and not 'getting over it', and 'getting on with it'. Is that a criminal offence? Accepting, eventually, memories that may be painful, powerful, and/or laughable IS moving on. Everyone does this shift their own way, not on another person's time scale.
TIMING IS EVERYTHING
Talking of which, I 've just tried calling the Philippines which is where my 'phone provider' is based. It's the email send that's still stuck. Sadly their local time, doesn't match mine - and there's no-one in. IMAPS, SMTPS, and ports are tomorrow's problems. Plus I've just got 'The Good Wife' box set, series 4. Got to see one episode before bed.
....for the cat. She's probably up to about five, and that's when she can face it. It's the breed. They've got to keep looking lively, or else they get diabetes. As the cat rightly says (she's made it clear she wishes to remain anonymous on this blog - it's a catnip it in the bud privacy on the net thing): 'I know my own body, and I'm telling you now, I won't need medication/needles if I lie around for 9 hours. But you'll find my claws getting edgy if you keep up the pounce pressure.
EYE LINER? STEADY AS SHE GOES....
It's the same for me, to be honest. Tell me I MUST, SHOULD, OUGHT, and I WON'T. So, I'm taking a load of vitamins because another birthday's just around the corner and over the hill. A mate said it might be a good idea. But it's my own choice, honest. Despite another year on the clock, my hands are steady; I can still do eye liner without drawing a graph on my face. Thankful for small Laura Merciers.
In other news: giant avocados hit the supermarket shelves, the X factor starts or has started, and I am trying not to think about Syria, just for a few moments. I've got slightly obsessed with it. That and cleaning products. While Obama was doing his 'thang' outside the White House earlier, and passing the military 'intervention' decision onto Congress, I was experimenting with Cif kitchen easy lift, in the front room (such a rebel), before I went out. No need for weights, just look at the plastic bottle, and you're sorted.
AGE? AN UNHEALTHY ATTACHMENT, SAYS THE RADIO BUDDHIST...
This gives me the illusion of control. But it really is a mirage. Like my age. Not true, not real. Something to get unhealthily attached to. They had a buddhist on Thought for the Day. Seems to have taken the edge off the age anxiety. By the way, you can use 'Cif Kitchen' anywhere you want. These domestic cleaning directives, deserve to be challenged.
.....it's against international law to use chemical weapons. Tonight's shocking and brave report on the BBC's News at Ten, brought the brutality into my front room. Skin peeling and gasping for air, the injured and innocent pay the price for Assad's narcissm and rage. All the evidence points to the President being responsible.
The UN inspection may clarify. I hope so. We're all in relationship with those who scream for legitimate justice, whether we like it or not. At least that's my belief. And no, caring and acting for those whose lives are snuffed out overseas, doesn't mean the NHS will suffer!
27TH AUGUST 2013.....PIC: THE SOARAWAY 'LET'S NOT THINK ABOUT A 3RD WORLD WAR' - SUN. CHERYL COLE'S ROSY CHEEKS....
TODAY'S TOP STORY...A POSSIBLE 3RD WORLD WAR? NAH - CHERYL'S CHEEKY TATTOO...
'WHAT I DO TO MY BODY IS MY BUSINESS'....
I SPOSE SHE COULD HAVE HAD 'HALLO KITTY', ON HER BOOTY...ACTUALLY, THAT'S AN IDEA....
PIC: COURTESY: TELEGRAPH.CO.UK - MIDDLE ENGLAND SAYS: 'CONFLICT? NO THANKS. WE WANT MARY BERRY'S EASY TO MAKE CAKES...'
FLORAL AND FEMININE MARY BERRY....CREATOR OF CAKES WITHOUT MISTAKES....BRINGS REASSURANCE IN A WORLD WHERE NO-ONE CAN FIX NASDAQ'S COMPUTERS, AND WE COULD BE ON THE BRINK OF WHO KNOWS WHAT IN THE MIDDLE EAST...
VICTORIA SPONGE ANYONE?
...I looked nothing like the picture on the right. Always happens on a Bank Holiday eh. The toe nails on my right foot were done. A summery shade of coral; to 'compliment that perfect holiday tan'. (Magazine speak). The coral didn't look great next to waxy pale and sweaty skin after I 'took ill'. My left foot's toe nails were only half finished; but I wasn't up to any more nail attention, so sat it out on the receptionist's chair until I felt I could walk to a cab rank. Rank. Great word; and highly applicable in the circumstances.
JANE AUSTEN'S BEEN SPARED AOL AT LEAST....
The 19th century pic above has a Jane Austen type feel to it. Jane, and/or Elizabeth Bennett had it easy. They didn't have to come to from a fainting fit to face an AOL malfunction. Four hours it took to try and sort this out. End result. Nothing. Emails still wouldn't send. IMAPS/SMTP'S/PORTS: the people in India couldn't help, the people in the Philippines (EE's base) neither, and the EE shop? The bloke simply googled the AOL website and nearly passed out at the complexity of it all.
FLOODED WITH FOUL SMELLING FLUID; FAMILIES FACE A CHALLENGE THIS BANK HOLIDAY....
It could have been worse; they've had 'effluent, sewage, the works..it's disgustin!' The flood was 'like a Tsunami' in Southend. The mopping up's still going on now.
AND IN OTHER NEWS:
Chief Rabbi, Jonathan Sacks, has incured the wrath of the National Secular Society. Most of us do. He retires next month and is making a splash with his (I think thoughtful and wise) opinions. He believes that individualism; where I guess we make ourselves gods, has damaged our society badly. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-23825465
He has a point. Not one person moved from their seat as I dragged myself, sweating, to the nail bar receptionist's chair. So, they were having gels done - but I could have DIED. And all because you (yes you, 2nd chair down from the door), didn't want to chip your Burgundy Bliss.
NBF hung on as we jumped waves and got hysterics. She gripped it, the way I used to hang on to my own mother's. This prompted great affection, but also grief. It's still only just over two months since mum died and there's still bitter/sweet in most memories and experiences.
When people ask me about how I feel about not having kids, a question that really very few should ask unless they know you well. My standard reply:' sad, but I do have lots of children in my life'. I do, and we rub along well. This reply is genuine, but it can sound hollow if I'm in a vulnerable place. I'd rather do a one liner than dwell on the gut wrench that kicks in sometimes. I will never know how MY mother felt about being a mum, I can only hazard an intuitive guess.
After 6 year old M and I had done our jumping for the day, I had a cry on the Hello Kitty rug and M's own mother gave me a hug.
If you're a parent you'll know more than me about the way a child's hand feels when it grips you in part terror and part joy; the way they can look right into you and love you, and then tantrum for an hour a short time later. (Tantrum is now a verb and can also be applied to grown ups).
I am not sentimental about the baby/child business, but I'd have liked to have seen my body do what it was, in part, designed for. I made no career/child choice, the child free bit just happened, more to do with relationship circumstances, than anything else.
My mum always said, 'it's interesting to see what comes out, when you have a baby'. She wasn't preparing herself for a newborn puppy, but meant that she found the genetic mix intriguing.
My mum's love of 'Milly Molly Mandy', (the children's book) has also been passed on from me to my new friend. The language IS old fashioned, but my 6 year old friend loves it. Her dad really made me laugh, though. He has been reading it as a night time story - for his child, not himself - and is a little disappointed. 'The sentences are making me lose the will to live!'
A rough round up: 'So Millie, and little friend Susan, and Mr Smith at the shop, and Mr Smith's wife who was very quiet but kind........' and so on, until the whole village's got name check. Democratic and fair, but not exactly Harry Potter.
'She loves it, but I can't get my head around all those NAMES, repeated again and again, on EVERY bloody page'. Perhaps keeping it simple keeps us all childlike. Even the language of real life adult feelings tends to be basic: 'I really like/hate/can't stand you. I mean, well perhaps, could we......??????'
Fill in the blank as you choose.
Let's leave it there and return to our farmyard friends .........And Millie and best friend Susan were happy that the fence had been built, and everyone in the village could let their dogs out, without the ducks getting upset. Then everyone went back to surf the net. It was the end of a very special day.
.....one of the best. We was 'up the villa' (holiday home, not club), and our neighbour's talking up her latest read. '...bloke has his kidney removed whilst he's asleep, gripping, it was'.
Mid life batwings; better than they were. Me and me friend J do our nightly workout using kitchen chairs to firm up the flesh. I've got the magic 'pull it all together' potion on the right; miracle worker. Think Rebecca Adlington.
It's J's birthday today so, together with her partner A and 6 year old M, we beach it. Hello Kitty comes with us: the umbrella, hat, ring, and lilo. J is sure a 26 ish volley ball type bloke is eyeing me up. I think he's just got sand in his eye.
Holiday memory lapse? Forgot all my pants. Bikini bottoms; SO versatlie....
AUGUST 11TH - WE HATE THEM NOW, BUT LOVED THEM THEN.....70'S TROLLS WERE HIDEOUS BUT MADE US HAPPY...WOULD ONE OF THESE THREATEN TO MURDER A WOULD BE CREATOR OF THE JANE AUSTEN POUND NOTE? NO...THEY'D SIT ON THE END OF YOUR PENCIL AND HELP YOU CREATE IT......WHY OH WHY OH WHY (ETC ETC...)
...the babies were fine, but the adults, they'd rip your sarnie off you before you could say 'tax haven'. London's hedge fund money makers are being urged to ditch Mayfair and swap it for the 'Rock'. Apparently. According to one source.
If you are 'lured' with the promise of cheap booze, fags and a couple of days queuing to get in by car, well good luck to you. I went there once. My 'companion' and I had a row having driven through a tunnel and arrived at a deserted children's playground. This was a relationship that didn't last, though I dare say the playground's still there.
IT'S MINE! NO, IT'S MINE....!
It was only when Cromwell fancied a change of air, that the Brits got interested in the place. It got to be a British garrison in 1830 and HOLAAAA! Became a colony. 'Spain has never been able to accept the loss of Gibraltar with good grace and twice during the 18th century she tried to recapture it without success'. (This from a clearly balanced travel website).
WHATEVVAA... It's OURS, not THEIRS...that'll be NONE for the monkees please...how do you feel about THAT EH........?????
For THESE recent stories: Check out Page Two..CLICK PAGE TWO TOP LEFT of page.
JULY/AUGUST : Vogue fashionista reports on her experience of the Boston Marathon - all fine UNTIL she starts dropping labels....
And Kate's 'celebrity' Sister, Pippa, creates the perfect party cake for the UNBORN CHILD........
JUNE: SMALL GRIEF RELIEF: (very small) THE MAFIA AND BOYFRIEND JEANS..... Click page 2 top left of page.
11.09 | 00:07
Thank you! Reply only 7 years late!
16.08 | 15:34
thank, you love. Apols for late reply. Clare
30.10 | 07:01
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04.08 | 07:34
I remember watching you perform this! You 'played' with army ranks - wasn't there a Major (Scandal? Disaster? Triumph?) and a Colonel in there? Funny and thought provoking- as ever. X