After: 7 Months, 30 + viewings: 2 flat flops; 6 Sure roll ons, I have MOVED. I can find plenty of
Pots? Yes. But NO pants. Pillows? Yup. Pants? No. New 'Fast Clumping' cat litter? Check. Still. No. Pants. After 13, no 14, a -Stephen-Hawking-infinite-universe no of boxes. No. Pants. Anywhere.
NOW I COULD WALK 5 HUN-DRED MILES....
I'd moved into my new manor after:7 months; 30 viewings, 30 estate agents 'n speed dial, 30 sec Rightmove alerts all day every day,(cuddly toy: a 'Generation Game' conveyor belt: back-on-TV-no-launch-date-yet) 2 previous flat 'yeses', then 'no – but..', (microwave), 100 plus miles walking; google maps upside down, no car, sold; (Kenwood Mixer).
All this, a challenge for an Olympic standard executive functioner. 'Executive functioner'? Translation: 'person who thrives on admin. and knows they bought an extension lead 2/8/91; they still have the bank statement'.
Believe me I WAS organised. Very. But my BRAIN is not a naturally ordered organ. Skyping sister in tears, (she was a brilliant help because she DOES have a brain that puts things in the right drawer), and THEN not finding the lease, when I had FILED it, was the least of it.
DEED DELAYED BY 'DAMAGES' F HOLD LAWYER
Fast forward to the first week post move; (never thought I'd say that), and the deed was done. Literally. Delayed for eons (the deed), by Freeholder lawyer who thought she was Glenn Close in 'Damages' / 'Jagged Edge'. But, things were not dusted by a long chalk/marker pen/biro. Couldn't find those, either.
TIN LABEL TYRANNY
Back seized, right hand went on strike and the new recycling system had me ripping off labels from baked bean tins, believing this to be a council requirement. Terrifed my 'black box', (bottles/ plastics) would remain coke can full, with a fine slapped to its side, I began to overcompensate. Brexit angst? Mild, compared to 'Tin label tyranny'.
My move: from my dear old dollshouse sized flat, to my equally lovely, 'shade smaller', version (with shared garden: shared by 10 cats, that is), was to cut costs. So I can, with midlife abandon, and serola belt tightly fixed; (new chiropractor tip; I could hardly walk; too much box lifting), write my play/book/vlogs/podcasts. And; perhaps; just do NOTHING for five minutes.
FAST CLUMPING MAIZY
Second week after move, a good friend gave me a lift back to my new manor; it had been a sweaty, and demanding working day. She was relentlessly upbeat about the location, living room, and the rest; despite a serious litter tray whiff. Still, the new 'fast clumping' Maizy will sort that. Bought from new (to me) Pet shop, I have already signed up for 'puppy hour'. I have a cat.
Praps I should add to my linkedin profile? 'Fast clumping Clare'; under duress? She'll just soak up the mess. Oh, I found pants. In box marked survival kit, next to grouting.
2nd August 2017